We’ve All Had That One Conversation

You’ve probably had conversations when the other person isn’t looking at you if you’ve attended conferences or networking events. They’re scanning the space. Is there someone more significant with whom they ought to get in touch? Do you recall the sensation? Horrible, do you think? Even if it wasn’t intentional, it’s probably not hard for us to recall a similar incident from the past. We lose focus while we are mid-sentence in a conversation. It’s difficult to be really present, let’s face it.

You’ll Differentiate Yourself Quickly

It’s okay if you find it difficult to be totally present; everyone does. Alerts, red circles with numbers inside of them, Slack, Twitter, and other social media platforms have made us increasingly distracted.

However, you’ll soon set yourself apart if you can learn to be totally present.

Envision having in-person interactions, phone talks, or Zoom calls with someone who was entirely focused on you. without becoming sidetracked.

It would be adored by you. And if you were skilled at it, others would feel the same way. You would be different from all of your rivals.

But you’ll need to put in some effort to accomplish that.

To Be Fully Present Requires Some Discipline

As I’ve already mentioned, being totally present requires a lot of work. It does, however, also call for discipline. I want to offer you three disciplines to work on today so you can develop into the kind of person who can participate completely in any conversation.

I refer to them as tips, but let’s be real. These are the several disciplines. These must be completed repeatedly, not just once or twice.

Tip One: Place your phone in your pocket or in a different room

The mobile phone is the greatest communication instrument ever invented. The mobile phone is the worst communication device ever invented. Understand what I mean? We are constantly betrayed by our phones. They take our attention even while we’re in very important conversations.

Most of us carry our phones with us at all times. or beside us on our desk. Always accessible. Because of this, you become distracted when your phone rings or blinks while you’re on a zoom call.

Put your phone aside if you want to be really present in every conversation you have. In a place where it’s invisible (or barely perceptible). It might be in your pocket. or your bag.

The idea is to safeguard oneself against the distractions that come from your own devices, should you let them to.

Tip Two: Arrange Your Distractions

I adore Twitter. I also enjoy Slack and email. I occasionally even enjoy going to ridiculous websites that have articles like “Actors and the films that changed them forever.”

You must, however, let any of this to stand in the way of your being truly present. They must not divert your attention. However, you can set apart time to enjoy those activities without interfering with ongoing discussions.

I advise scheduling time each day for when you:

• Process emails (two or three times a day)
• Process Slack messages (two or three times a day)
• Watch YouTube (once s day)
• Read silly articles (once a day)

This method has the advantage of allowing you to focus when you’re not doing this stuff and of giving you your “fix.”

This is what I would advise against.

It’s not necessary to disclose to others that you check your email just three times a day. Simply respond when you set aside time to do so. Those who comment, “I only check my emails twice a day,” are, in my opinion, essentially saying, “I’ve created a scenario to manage my focus because I can’t manage my life.” However, trust me with your assignment. I believe that to be an error.

Tip Three: Practice Active Listening

I think the hardest discipline is the last one. Naturally, I have a tendency to interrupt others frequently. I’ve improved over the years, but only because I’ve engaged in active listening exercises. According to the verywellmind website, it’s as follows:

It is the process of listening attentively while someone else speaks, paraphrasing and reflecting back what is said, and withholding judgment and advice

Very Well Mind Website

These are the behaviours that are identified as detrimental to active listening when someone else is speaking in their description of the practice:

• Interrupting people
• Not making eye contact
• “Topping” the story
• Asking about unimportant details

The secret to both active listening and being totally present in any conversation is to learn when to stop doing each of them (as well as the other things they list).

I See You. I Hear You.

All of this is ultimately about maintaining concentration so that the person you are speaking with (and listening to) feels heard and noticed. It’s the gift you offer to every discussion. You’re giving them that gift when you’re able to give them your whole attention.